great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
