Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
