I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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