He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
