You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
