he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
