Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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