If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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