You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
