our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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