the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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