Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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