He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
