She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
