just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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