i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My life is pants optional.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
