I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
