He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize