i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
