my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize