I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
