All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
