just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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