i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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