Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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