So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
