trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
