your parents love me but you hate me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
