And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
