You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
