i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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