two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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