$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
