trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
