rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize