You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
