ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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