How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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