Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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