Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
