Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
