I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
