Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will be naked everywhere
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
