i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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