Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
