Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
