i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
