I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
love makes seman taste better
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize