I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you win again, gameday.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
