I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
