There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What a fucking waste of an outfit
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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