Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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