I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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