i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
