Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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