sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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