I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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