There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
