what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
PANTIES FOUND
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
