I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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