me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
