I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
