Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
