some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
