What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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