actually, I'm a sock model
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
