You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
