we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
