I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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