thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
